While I haven't been all that vocal about it, I'm in the middle of a massive transition in my life. Financially and creatively, the work I've been doing for the last several years is finally coming to a head. While Sam Bailey is a crucial focus of all this excitement, while Heartsgaard is obviously the ongoing realization of a fantastic relationship with my co-creators and my audience, I've only been sharing one part of the picture.
Now is not the time to share the rest. We'll save that for the trade mags and the memoirs. In the meantime there's a pitfall I've just stepped around, that I think merits a big orange cone.
Over the last few weeks, I've caught myself working harder and resting less. While that may seem normal for a time of transition, it's not healthy for someone like me who already takes on too much, and is already in poor practice when it comes to relaxation... By raising my output to unsustainable levels, I'm setting myself up for a crash.
My saving grace is that I've surrounded myself with people who are sensitive to my frailties, and to whom I listen. Thank you to Marcus Lovemore in particular, who sat me down on Tuesday and showed me what I was headed for. Now I'm working on scaling back, resting more, and trusting that some of these problems will probably resolve themselves before I get to them. Instead of stressing over how I'm going to keep certain parts of my life running, I'm jettisoning the parts that haven't met my needs. Instead of resisting, I'm streamlining.
So why would I try to crash my system? Why would I want to screw things up for myself?
While a stable income and the freedom to pursue my craft have obvious appeal, it's still uncharted territory to my basic survival instincts. Each of us has parts of our brain designed specifically to keep us alive, and I know I can survive where I am right now. That part of my brain doesn't want things to change.
At the same time, I've created a situation where those changes are inevitable. In fact, the only surefire way I can keep these fantastic changes from taking place is by removing the one element without which none of it works - me. If I get sick or hurt, there's a good chance my financial situation and my workday will stay right where they are.
Guess what I was going to get by working so hard? Yep - sick or hurt.
Our inner saboteurs have gotten very tricky over the years, because staying alive is extremely important when it comes to evolution. Those parts of the brain don't understand civilization, or art, or money. All that part of the brain can relate to is what we've experienced before, and how safe or unsafe it felt.
Thankfully, I've got the right people in my life. Thanks to them, I'm looking at my stress as a sign that my survival instincts are pointing me towards the living and work conditions I already know - when what's best for me is to stand right here and calm down, so my subconscious can see that this new place is even more safe and secure than the old place.
Those moments when we don't have time to breathe are EXACTLY the moments we need to breathe the most. If you feel the world is crashing down around your ears, remember that feeling that way doesn't make it true - and that we all have a very real, very chemical reaction to change. That's the last moment any of us should be taking action, as much as it feels otherwise. That's the saboteur, pulling our neurochemical strings to keep us alive.
Take those opportunities to calm down. Call the people who you admire most, let them know how you feel, and listen to what they have to say. You'll be back on track in no time, and you'll feel safer in the process.
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